So, if any of you have noticed my absence, I am alive. I highly doubt that anyone has, since I was relatively inactive before my hiatus, but I thought it would be good to start out in that way. By stating (much to your relief I am sure) that I am in fact, alive.

You see, much has happened since I was able to work on my art. For the first time in nine months, I picked up a paint brush about a week ago. I don't even know how to explain to a community of artists something that nine months ago I would have deemed utterly impossible, but I will make my best attempts, despite the great risks of my looking like an idiot.

In these past nine months I have discovered life beyond creating. Maybe some of you knew about this, maybe some of you don't. Either way, your not wrong in the way you do things. But for me, prior to these nine months, my life was centered around being an artist, creating. This was what I WAS.

And then one day, I just forgot.

Plain and simple.

I'll try not to bore you too much with an elaborate time line, but I'll narrow it down for you...
Somewhere around the beginning of January, home got to be a place where the heart definitely did not reside.
so this occured...
moving, commuting 1.5-2 hours everyday, twice a day, back and forth to work and school (both full time), exhaustion to the point of a near nervous break down, and stomach ulcers, moving again to a BEAUTIFUL little apartment in the museum district. My then boyfriend became my now fiance (and in a mere 33 days, my husband!!), I finished a semester, have succeeded in making things bearable with my family, have planned a wedding (alone, I might add), and have continued on with work full time.

I'm cutting a very loong story very short, but I shall tell you this: It has been a long, and treturous nine months, and I am alive. I made it.

And then a couple of days ago, with the encouragement of a wonderful man, whom I love dearly, I picked up a paintbrush and continued on with a painting I started nine months ago. Today I drew something for the first time in an old sketch book I had lying around.

It feels good to work again, but I must admit, it doesn't feel the same. Now, I know that there are other things for a world to revolve around. Who knew?

Perspectives shift I guess, and it was probably time for mine to. Yes, I am still an artist. Yes, this is still a deep part of my spirit. But life happens with or without it. And every day I am discovering new ways to express what I used to only be able to express through my paintbrush. I have my words, I have food, I have kisses, and love making, and soft touches. My voice, and photographs, dancing, and pillow talk until one of us drifts off to sleep.

And every day, I find more and more that I need to express about. The golden, summer light, softly filtered through the blinds. Illuminating dusty reflections above sleeping heads. Someone else's head on my pillow, hands pulling me close even in his sleep. Picnics, with grilled chicken, and roasted eggplant. Buying new albums that make your heart sing. Learning that almost nothing feels as good as going on a long bike ride, wind in your hair, bare summer legs, ray bans, the smell of sunscrean, and your favorite person in the whole wide world, riding his bike next to you.

I think that the reason I was so slow to create before this time off, was because I was so busy trying to come up with something new. I sat at home, drawing, drawing, drawing. Nothing settled my desire for something better, and my work just got worse and worse.

I have found in these months away, that living is what inspires me to create. Whatever way it comes out, my art is a direct reflection of the life I am living, and what I am surrounding myself with.

I had stopped living to create, thus I exhausted everything I had ever seen, or known, onto paper. I was out of ideas.

I had to stop creating for a moment, so that I could live and learn to create for a lifetime.

Now I am back to painting, but not as vigerousely as before. My purpose in my life is to teach, and so that is my primary focus now. I will continue painting, so that I will know how to successfully teach my students to paint. Again, this is such a change in my perspective. But I am embracing it, and loving these "now" moments, where I don't worry about what's next, or getting something done quickly. I just focus on each brushstroke as it comes. And I live.

I can't promise any more work. If i post, then so be it. If I don't, it's because I am busy collecting tidbits of inspiration, OR, that I am on my honeymoon, sipping on something fruity with my husband in St. Thomas.

Either way, know this about me, I am happy. I am alive.